Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
