that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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