Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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