He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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