i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
