There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
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well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
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I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
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