i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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