She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
