Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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