The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
