I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
