I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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