You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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