fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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