Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
