yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He passed out mid-signature
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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