Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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