No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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