Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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