I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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