I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
