I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
