I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
