i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
