Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize