well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
