i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
