I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
