mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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