So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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