I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
