I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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