we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
