After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
