i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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