My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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