She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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