I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
