My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
