I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
