You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
