Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Found the puke drawer
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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