wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
