Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
