that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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