dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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