Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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