How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
