she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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