His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
