barbara walters just said penis...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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