I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
