A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
