the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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