they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
