Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
50% drunk capacity currently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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