dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
