did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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