When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize