I just saw a hot homeless man
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
