I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
